I’ve been thinking for days for something to say about Fat Acceptance that other people haven’t said better, but I think it’s come down to this: the day I quit hating my body was the day that I realized I would never escape being ‘big’.

I have a friend, she’s tall like an amazon with large hips and large shoulders.  And not in the ‘she’s tubby’ way, either.  She’s a knockdown gal who’s got miles of leg.  She’s just broader than a lot of girls her height are built.

So here’s this gorgeous woman, she’s much taller than me and she’s very broad across.  You can see her shoulders and where the bones are, as well as her pelvic bones.  We felt to where my hips start, and my hips at the bone are broader across than hers.  And I’m a good 4 inches shorter than she is.  (And yes, I can feel where my bones are under all that lard.)

The punchline is no matter how much weight I’ll lose I can’t get around that I’m a short gal with a broad disposition.  My brother’s short and broad too- we realized that looking at his army graduation video.  He’s, like, twice as broad as most other guys around him.  We’d never noticed because my shoulders are nearly as broad, and so are my friends, and my very tall boyfriends.  We all come from fairly similar genetic stock (okay, my boyfriend doesn’t have nearly as much German, but he comes from a Tall family and he’s just built bigger than a lot of people.)  We’re all big people, and so it took comparing my brother to a whole bunch of other young and fit kids to realize that not only was HE huge compared to others, so were we.

That was kind of the snapping poing, the moment where I realized that bone-thin I’d be way too fat for a lot of people.  And god, who wants to be bone thin?  I like my padding, I like being squishy.  I’ll admit that I would rather not be quite as squishy as I am, but it’s becoming more and more for pretty superficial reasons.  Jeans are harder to find, as is underwear.  So are bras, but if my mom was a DDD at size 4 I just don’t see much hope for THAT ever becoming a non issue.  Not without surgery.

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