I decided to go find some of the older ones I did and archive them as well.  I could only find three of the older ones, and I’ve done more, but oh well.

This movie was called Thankskilling, and I picked it out entirely based on the name provided.  I knew it would be awful.  It was about some Indian curse where the Turkey killed everything or something, I don’t know and I don’t particularly care.  I have to say that while I generally enjoy bad movies, I hate this movie with a somewhat fiery passion.

MartainBethany: I am about to embark on a journey. I will watch the movie known as… THANKSKILLING

MartainBethany: @riathepinkie http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129441/

MartainBethany: Okay so first shot of the movie is… a breast. A woman dressed as a pilgrim (with no top?) is chased by a turkey, who kills her.

MartainBethany: Oh, great, we now have annoying college kids. There’s the JOCK, the SLUT, the VIRGIN, the ASSHOLE, and the NERD. #ThanksKilling

MartainBethany: …..and we met our hero! Lassie the Collie! May she be the only survivor!

MartainBethany: NOOOOOOOOOO NOT LASSIE. #thedogdied #fuckthismovie #ThanksKilling


MartainBethany: .@riathepinkie http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/

RiathePinkie: @MartianBethany Exactly. How could they kill the dog. HOW COULD THEY?

MartainBethany: .@riathepinkie I DON’T KNOW.

RiathePinkie: @MartianBethany SAD FACES FOREVER.

MartainBethany: @riathepinkie FOREVER AND EVER

MartainBethany: And it’s time for the NERD to INFOBARF. I think they’re tying to make this… funny, actually? But it’s just bad.

MartainBethany: Real, honest to god line: ‘I’m gonna drink your blood like cranberry sauce!’ #Thankskilling

MartainBethany: Also, as a side note, the makeup on these girls looks like it was applied by an enthusiastic six year old.

MartainBethany: Oh great, we have an old coot with a shotgun and a hillbilly accent! Exciting!

MartainBethany: I really do think they’re trying to make this movie funny and it’s not really, uh, working.

MartainBethany: The movie is killing me with stupid! AUGGTGGGGHHHHHH.

MartainBethany: “Dad hasn’t spoken to me since they made me second string quarterback!” #ThanksKilling

MartainBethany: “You just got STUFFED” #ThanksKilling

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany LOL that quote is funny though

MartainBethany: @Adamthemann Yeah, this whole thing seems a lot funnier, um, out of context.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany isn’t that how most things are funny though

MartainBethany: @Adamthemann That’s definitely the only way this movie is funny.

MartainBethany: Okay, so the Turkey is wearing the face of this girl’s dad. And… wow. Yeah.

MartainBethany: “You can be my quarterback anyday!” If you had been here, you would have heard me going OHMYGOD AUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH

MartainBethany: “Gobble gobble, motherfucker! Now that’s what I call fowl play!” #ThanksKilling

MartainBethany: And… the movie somehow got WORSE. What? Also: “Let’s kick this fowl-mouthed bastard’s ass!”

MartainBethany: Again, the bad guy is a fucking turkey. A. Turkey.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany A turkey for a bad guy is better then I don’t know the wind. *coughM.Knightcoughcough*»

MartainBethany: @Adamthemann Does the wind make horrible puns? Because if not it’s a close call, then…

MartainBethany: This whole movie is all just sorta *facepalm*

MartainBethany: “I may have lost my parents, but…. I gained a girlfriend.” #what WThanksKilling

MartainBethany: “Peck on someone your own size!” #ThanksKilling

MartainBethany: To be continued…. IN SPACE. God I hope they’re kidding.

MartainBethany: I still wouldn’t admit to doing the makeup on this movie- the girls eyeshadow looked like AWFUL.

DawnOfMinstrel: @MartianBethany Oh God please tell me there is no joke about his giant pecker oh god

MartainBethany: @DawnOfMinstrel No, we were spared that at least.

Thankskilling was a horrible movie.  it was attempting to be some sort of funny, like, horror joke film or something.  Like Leprechaun, maybe?  That’s the only comparison I can think of.  However it just wasn’t funny- I mean, no doubt it wasn’t scary, but it really was neither.  There are several different moments in the film where the turkey- a turkey sized turkey- is mistaken for a person.  In fact, he wears one of the kids’ parent’s face and they are fooled by this.  And it’s not even funny in the Chicken Boo sense.  (Does anybody else remember that?  You’re not a man, you’re a chicken boo?  Just me?  Dammit.)  It was just sad.

And I know I said it, like, twice, but the makeup was horrible. I know movie makeup is sometimes hard to figure out but still, they looked like my friends’ daughter had done their makeup.

I don’t remember much else, truthfully the movie was kind of boringly bad and I’m glad I only had to watch it once.

PS: thanks to AdamtheMann and RiaThePinkie for being kind enough to let me use their funny responses to me.  You should totally friend them on twitter and stuff because they’re funny.