So I’ve had a busy couple of weeks and haven’t gotten back around to doing this.  I am planning a new live tweet tomorrow night at some point, but my schedule’s been somewhat weird so it could change.  This also depends on the plague that I apparently have not carrying me off in death’s sweet arms between now in then.

Anyway of the movies I did in the one night where I had my bad tweet marathon, 5ive Girls was by far my favorite.  Not just because of Ron Perlman although I won’t swear that the daiquiris weren’t working at this point.

5ive Girls as a movie is about a parochial school for ‘troubled girls’.  The sole teacher is Ron Perlman, who plays Father Drake.  There is a headmistress who is so obviously the villain that she may as have it written across her forehead, and there are five female students (hence the name of the movie) who are all A: troubled and B: have magic powers- walking through walls, et cetera.  The headmistress is trying to sacrifice five bad girls to the devil so that she can get her sister back, who was taken by Legion before the school closed.

I want to hit a couple of points after the tweet, so here we go:

MartianBethany: I’m going to watch 5ive Girls here in a minute, but first, I want to find out what color my soul is.

MartianBethany: My soul, according to an 8 question test, is Blue. Good to know. Moving on, 5ive Girls!

MartianBethany: Okay, so 5ive Girls stars Ron Perlman, which is why it beat out other competitors.

MartianBethany: He’s a teacher/priest at a Catholic School. And apparently this movie is about fighting Satan.

MartianBethany: Oh hey, we jump right into something attempting to possess one of the girls. Well, that was fast.

MartianBethany: And the girl vanishes, leaving only a pool of blood. Well, that’s a good start.

MartianBethany: The opening sequence is set to a remix of Ron Perlman praying? That’s… unique.

MartianBethany: Alex is our protagonist, and apparently she’s telekinetic, so her dad is kicking her into a parochial school so fast her head spins.

MartianBethany: and Ron Perlman is… Father Drake.

MartianBethany: Okay, and the headmistress (Miss Pierce) of this school is a fucking cunt.

MartianBethany: Whoa she made the girls STRIP? With Father Drake in the room? Also Miss Pierce is being a creepy old lady.

MartianBethany: Okay, and “We’ve got witches with our bitches” is probably the worst line ever.

MartianBethany: Alex is both telekinetic and psychic. Are we gonna see something Carrie like here later?

MartianBethany: “Well, knife in wall! Time for bed!”

MartianBethany: They’re really going heavy on the pentagonal imagery here. The desks are arranged in a five pointed star, the beds are.

MartianBethany: “There’s nothing happening on the third floor!” Cuts to: the third floor as I tell my friend “Meanwhile, on the third floor.”

MartianBethany: Movie is very predictable.

MartianBethany: Okay, so, Alex is schooling Father Drake on what’s going on in the school.

MartianBethany: Okay, so, the scene where they’re all on the toilet talking, and all you see is their underwear around their ankles is hilarious.

MartianBethany: “Holy shit did you just see that?” “Yeah, cause you know this whole blind thing is just to pick up guys.”

MartianBethany: Wiccan girl is covered in bruises and cuts. Alex says “It’s gonna be okay.” My friend goes turns and looks at me.

MartianBethany: Frined goes “I think in this case ‘it’s gonna be okay’ means she’s gonna die.” I agree.

MartianBethany: Friend. Boy I can’t spell tonight. Sorry.

RiathePinkie: @MartianBethany Well you are drinking bucket daquris.

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie This is true!

MartianBethany: I think Headmistress Pierce gets off on spanking little teenaged girls. Just saying.

MartianBethany: Oh, oh, the Bitchy Girl is a HEALER! This is excellent

MartianBethany: Okay, so, the bitchy girl heals. Alex is a psychic/telekinetic. The blind girl reads tarot cards. The black girl can pass through objects.

MartianBethany: The wiccan who’s been infected or something has presented no powers, yet.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany Ron Perlman = instant win

MartianBethany: I have to admit it is a bit weird seeing Ron Perlman sans any makeup applications.

MartianBethany: The blood that the Headmistress took for blood tests is about to be used/has been used in some Arcane ritual.

MartianBethany: Oh and their URINE WTF.

MartianBethany: So obviously evil Headmistress is evil. Big shock.

RiathePinkie: @MartianBethany Whaaa? Who would have guessed!

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie Not I! 😀

RiathePinkie: @MartianBethany It just blindsided all of us!

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie Came out of nowhere!

MartianBethany: She’s trying to raise a dead spirit, a girl who was killed in the school years ago apparently. And… nothing really happened. Huh.

MartianBethany: Whoa I think she just vomited a spirit on the other girl? What?

MartianBethany: And Legion has possessed the black girl. /sigh Well, Ron Perlman is really impressive when exorcising demons. JSYK.

MartianBethany: There’s water on the floor by the bathroom in the movie. Liz goes DON’T TURN AROUND THERE’S A BASILISK!

MartianBethany: Is Ron Perlman dead? No!

MartianBethany: And now they’re going to fuck with the blind girl. Oh she’s CURBSTOMPING HER WTF

MartianBethany: Touching someone who’s demonically posessed is a bad idea.

MartianBethany: And the black girl is also dead, now the blind girl is possessed. We have left the Healer and Alex, the telekinetic.

MartianBethany: Ah, and now we have the lesbo moment. I was wondering when this was going to go down.

MartianBethany: “Maura, do you really think a little scrape would harm Old Scratch?”

MartianBethany: So, evil Headmistress is possessed. Telekinetic girl uses a cross and shoves it through the back of her head. Evicts Legion.

MartianBethany: And Alex dies but the healer lives? So did not call that. Everyone but the lesbian. Huh.

MartianBethany: Well that was interesting. So everyone died but the healer girl and the person they were trying to resurrect in the first place.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany Lesson learned, in a horror movie with Ron Perlman be a bitch and you will live

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Important life lessons! This could save your life!

The scene where they were all in the bathroom talking and all you saw was their underwear around their ankles WAS funny, and there were a couple of other moments where the movie kinda cracked me up.  Clearly they didn’t take the movie too seriously, and it shows.

It was a really predictable movie overall, but it had some cute moments.  I enjoyed it enough to watch it again, although I won’t swear it was very good.

Also, thanks to RiathePinkie and Adamthemann for adding comments and allowing me to use their tweets in this blog.