Night of the Demons was a stupid B-movie remake of a stupid 80’s b-movie.  It was supposed to kinda dumb and light-hearted, and wins points in my book because it did not take itself too seriously

Here’s what happened:

A Halloween party got shut down by the police, and seven people got locked inside the property (somehow).  They explored until they found a hidden room with skeletons that might belong to people who had gone missing in the historic New Orleans landmark almost a century previously.  One of the party-goers is ‘bit’ by the skeleton, which passes on a demonic possession.

From there on out the movie descends into one of debauchery and gore, which is fitting for it’s type I suppose.  The demonic possession is passed by fluid contact- kissing, biting- and as far as I can tell this is one of the few movies to use possession as a sort of demonic STD.

The demons need to possess seven people in order to break free of the house and conquer Earth (or something, I don’t remember) and so as it comes down to the last one she escapes as the morning light destroys the demons until such time as they can make another attempt, or the girl comes back and fills the one room with solid cement.  You know, whichever comes first.

MartianBethany: Here in about 20 minutes we’re bad movie live tweeting Night of the Demons http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1268809/

MartianBethany: Night of the Demons is a REMAKE of an 80’s movie. It also completes our ‘demons’ trifecta for the night.

MartianBethany: Netflix Blurb: When she set out to throw the ultimate Halloween party, Angela Feld picked the spookiest site she could find: the-

MartianBethany: rumored-to-be-cursed Broussard Mansion. But by “ultimate,” she didn’t mean for it to be her last.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany ooooooh a thrill a minute!

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany party at Casper’s House WOOO……Wait doesn’t the ghostly Trio live here also?

MartianBethany: Ah so this movie is set in New Orleans! Well, that’s good to know!

HiroOdan: I’m calling fake southern accents

MartianBethany: Oh cool! We’re just not even going to take this seriously then!

MartianBethany: Although, swear to god, I can’t think of any place cooler to be for Halloween then New Orleans. (Martian Note: still can’t.)

MartianBethany: And now we’re talking about Brazillian Wax. When can the murders begin?

MartianBethany: Hm, two guys are smoking pot upstairs, watching the kids trick or treat. Some big kid stole candy from a little kid, so they shot him.

MartianBethany: With a paint ball gun, but still, I can get behind that sort of justice.

MartianBethany: NO COSTUME NO CANDY NO COSTUME NO CANDY And the little kids got their candy back. #halloweenjustice

Adamthemann: Pot + Paintball guns = never a good idea, things get messy #trustmeonthis

HiroOdan: potheads are first to die

Adamthemann: Halloween is a messed up time, why are kids going to a haunted house for candy

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann This is before the haunted house! It’s a neighborhood thing.

Riathepinkie: @Adamthemann EVER. It’s just the law of Halloween.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany ohhhhh i see, i was gonna say

MartianBethany: I have to admit that this kinda looks like a fun party. There’s someone dressed as the jigsaw doll and it’s an open bar!

Adamthemann: Jigsaw is so not scary, imo

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah, but he had the bike and the whole bit. Which takes some doing in a big party like this.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Ooooh that does sound like fun. Except for the haunted part.

MartianBethany: And now they’re telling ghost stories with the context of it being backstory. That’s …almost clever.

MartianBethany: Badly handled of course, but still almost clever. Also, I can now say I have seen a ‘sexy car accident victim’ costume.

MartianBethany: “She is gonna be sick!” “Yeah, I think the guy in the devil costume is counting on her passing out, haha!” #rapeisntfunnyguys

MartianBethany: And the cops just pulled the plug on them. Well, that was short.

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Cops are DEMONS

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Ah movies over then. Nothing to see here folks!

Adamthemann: @riathepinkie @MartianBethany Ria had an Officer Barbrady moment 😛

riathepinkie: @Adamthemann Yeah dang it. I was hoping that meant that this movie was short.

MartianBethany: And the girl passed out so they had to go back for her. Now someone else is in the creepy basement.

MartianBethany: The house has secret rooms in the basement! Leftover from prohibition. Neat! Now with added dead bodies! (Martian Note: act now and for a limited time only, you get seven dead bodies and locked in a mansion ABSOLUTELY FREE)

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany and soon to be demons >:

MartianBethany: She just reached into the skulls mouth to pull out a gold tooth and the skull bit her. #servesyouright

MartianBethany: I CAN’T OPEN THE GATE well jesus guys get a chair from the house and climb over. It’s not a jillion feet high.

MartianBethany: Now we have INFOBARF. How does she know this? No rumor is this close to real life

MartianBethany: Girl with the skeleton bite is going to turn evil!

MartianBethany: And now girl on girl kissing! This is so predictable!

MartianBethany: Boy on boy kissing- come on guys, do it! Don’t puss out!

MartianBethany: They’re playing spin the bottle because they’re stuck in the house.

MartianBethany: Now possessed chick just kissed someone else. Who wants to bet he’s next to be possessed?

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany oh it will happen 😀

MartianBethany: Demon possession is apparently sexuality transmitted! Did you know that?

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Oh snaps that turns me on #DemonicMasochist

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Duh how ELSE would a possession take place?

MartianBethany: And another girl on girl scene! More demon possession is getting passed around!

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Well it IS in New Orleans #SexuallyTransmittedDemonicPossession (Martian Note: I missed a joke about STD meaning Sexually Transmitted Demons. Damn.)

MartianBethany: Whoa she just ripped the girl apart. Not… not how I saw that ending.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany demons = easily jealous particularly the Succubus

MartianBethany: And this movie just took a running leap into Bloody Goreville.

HiroOdan: Help we’re locked in here and these girls are trying to make a Make Out Session… HELP!!!!!argghgghghgh…

MartianBethany: Now someone is crawling around the house at superhuman speed. No really. And then she just jumped out and attacked and she has no face

Adamthemann: @HiroOdan all I have to respond to this is this. Frat Guy:”Shut up nerds, bring on the easy chicks…..wait what DEMONS OMG HELP

HiroOdan: @Adamthemann “Yeah should have warned you they were man eating lesbians….” The nerds

MartianBethany: So guys, really, get a couple of chairs and climb over the gate.

MartianBethany: there is something here which has no face, and when you stab it with a poker it is fine! CHAIRS TABLE CRATES JUMP THE FENCE

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany The only smart one killed herself in the last movie oh snap!

MartianBethany: They found a creepy tunnel leading out of the house, who wants to bet this ends BADLY?

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany when you have a problem with Tables Ladders and Chairs, you call The Rated R Superstar Edge

MartianBethany: Greg: So let me get this straight, they stabbed it with a crowbar and that didn’t do anything, so now they have a shotgun? #prettymuch

MartianBethany: And now the vines are attacking them! And the bad guys are climbing on the ceiling!

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Let me just say Tenticl-errrr VINE RAPE

MartianBethany: The shotgun didn’t do anything! But STEEL REBAR did. What the fuck?

MartianBethany: There’s a tiny latch on the door they just locked. Greg: MOTHER FUCKER I could break through that lock!

(Martian Note: I’m pretty sure Bats is sufficiently hardy to break through the lock in question.  When we lived in the trailer, she used to throw herself at the door as hard as she could until it would pop open because it didn’t latch properly.  Then she would come and sit on my chest and purr. True story.)

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany It’s made of Iron? #SoAreBullets #Waitaminute

MartianBethany: The crowbar was also made of a similar mix of metals. I think they’re using ‘rust’ as the demon’s weakness.

MartianBethany: Apparently this one girl is well versed in demonology! …..okay?

MartianBethany: What I don’t get is why the demons started being all creepy and stuff in the first place. All they had to do was kiss to spread it.

MartianBethany: Just keep playing Spin the Bottle until everyone is ‘infected’. Even the DEMONS are #toostupidtolive

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany you say that like it is an uncommon study, everyone should be well versed in demonology, you never know when it helps

HiroOdan: I thought ice was a demon’s weakness, maybe the crowbar is just really cold.

MartianBethany: One girl- ‘well, this is a safe place. They can only do this tonight. We’ll just wait for dawn!’ Good going, you get a fucking cookie.

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany rocks fall, everyone with a cookie dies

MartianBethany: “Is it my imagination or is it getting light out?” It’s your imagination. They’re trying to trick you

MartianBethany: Making the walls bleed washes all the symbols that keeps the bad guys out! They’re trying to dry the walls and use a sharpie

MartianBethany: Am I the only one who finds that funny?

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Isn’t making things bleed supposed to be a God thing, not a demon thing?

MartianBethany: *room gets suddenly lighter* I THINK IT’S OVER…. are you guys idiots?

MartianBethany: Really. No, really, they are actually going with Rust as the Demonic weakness.

Adamthemann: When life throws you demons, you cast Holy and be done with the mess #everythingiknowilearnedfromfinalfantasy

MartianBethany: WHAT A SHOCK IT WAS A TRICK I AM TOTALLY SURPRISED good lord.

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Are you sure? A trick, might it just be ahhhhrhghghghh

MartianBethany: Now, the mirror jump scare.

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Just the one?

MartianBethany: There have been so many jump scares in this movie it’s not even funny.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany whats the matter getting jumpy 😛

HiroOdan: @MartianBethany Any redeemable quality or is it a BURN MOVIE, and DIE?

MartianBethany: Okay, so the one guy just fell through three floors because the floor was weak. And she had a big rope and climbed down.

MartianBethany: WHY DIDN’T YOU USE THE ROPE TO CLIMB OVER THE FENCE AND GET OUT?

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany “Name one thing you’re gonna need the stupid fucking rope for.” Connor from the Boondock Saints

MartianBethany: I don’t think that shotgun works that way, hon. But we’ll pretend.

MartianBethany: Hah this girl ‘hung herself’ at the end to keep herself from getting taken by the demons, but it was a fake out.

MartianBethany: Greg: I’m not so sure that her and her friends didn’t deserve to die. Sometimes death is nature’s way of clearing the gene pool.  (Martian Note: truth.)

So, final verdict?

Eh, it was cute.  It was meant to be cute and silly and not terribly scary, but pretty much everyone deserved to die because they fit into the category too dumb to live.  I shall count the ways:

– They were locked in a house because a gate had somehow locked.  The fence was, oh, ten feet high.  They were in a mansion with a plethora of chairs and tables and the like.  This is a solveable problem.

– The demons spread demonic possession with a kiss.  They needed seven people to be possessed to escape. Nobody knew what was going on at first.  They were playing spin the bottle.  So, instead of continuing to kiss people and spreading the demonic infection they decided to make sport of it and send people running and screaming.  They could have won the war without a single shot fired, essentially.  It was stupid.

– The moment they mentioned dawn being what drove the demons away, the windows immediately started lightening up.  Instead of assuming it was a trick (because they are demons who, they soon find out, can make the WALLS bleed) they decide that everything’s hunky dory.

– They had rope.  They had ROPE and they did not use it to climb over the god damned fence.

– The girl could have just waited for the sun to come up, instead she performed a very dangerous stunt that, while it was unlikely to snap her neck, could have snapped her spine or caused her severe internal damage.  And the sun came up as she did it, which meant the whole thing was unnecessary.

Just saying.

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