Dead End was about a family road trip with the most annoying family possible. There was a father, mother, they had two kids (who I generally refer to as sister and brother for ease) and sister had a slightly effeminate boyfriend.  This family trip goes bad when Dad tries to take a shortcut to his mother-in-law’s home and gets lost after a near accident.

As they realize they are lost they see a mysterious woman in white carrying a child in a bundled blanket.

One by one each member of the family dies, leaving Sister alone with the mysterious woman in white.

In the end, it turns out that their near car accident was an ACTUAL car accident, and the mysterious woman and her infant daughter had been in the other car.  The only survivor was the sister, who was pregnant.

MartianBethany: I’m going to be watching Dead End tonight on the Bad Movie Live Tweet

MartianBethany: Blurb: Dreading the annual family road trip to Grandmother’s house for Christmas, Frank and his wife opt for an unfamiliar route-

MartianBethany: through the forest. They’ll wish they hadn’t when they stop to help a mysterious woman who seems to be holding a dead baby

MartianBethany: You know I hate road trip films where people do nothing but bitch. I love road trips.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany It totally paints road trips in an unpleasant light.

MartianBethany: Man this intro music is some bad, monotone, 80’s sounding music.

MartianBethany: Okay, Dad just fell asleep at the wheel. I’m calling it now: They all ACTUALLY just died, and from here out they’re in the afterlife.

MartianBethany: It seemed to be a near miss.

MartianBethany: Also, road trip rule: when someone falls asleep at the wheel you PULL OVER AND FUCKING SLEEP. No, really.

MartianBethany: Before Greg and I were dating, he fell asleep at the wheel and drove into a pool truck. No joking. Thankfully, nobody was harmed.

MartianBethany: As a result, we both take falling asleep at the wheel FUCKING SERIOUSLY. Also, I think this family HATES EACH OTHER.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany So just a normal family in Hollywoodland?

MartianBethany: The ‘brother’ is acting like a pain in the ass. The ‘sister’ is a pain in the ass. The Dad and the Mom are both asses.

MartianBethany: I like the sister’s slightly effeminate boyfriend. Everyone else can die.

MartianBethany: They found a woman in white with a cut on her head. They’re lost. She’s ~mysterious~

MartianBethany: Let me guess: cell phones get no signal. OH WHAT A SHOCK I’M RIGHT.

MartianBethany: ‘Sister’ offered to walk back to the shack on her own. They let her. I wondered why- she wants to smoke without her family knowing.  (Martian Note: My mom will go out and ‘put her purse in the car’ so she can smoke at my Grandma’s.)

MartianBethany: They found some shack filled with dead animal skins, skulls, and lots of sharp things.

MartianBethany: Ha. Effeminate boyfriend is going to propose, Sister wants to leave him. Haaaaaaa. Isn’t this supposed to be a horror movie?

MartianBethany: Creepy lady they picked up just handed effeminate boyfriend dead baby. Brother just wanged his head on tree. Sister is still walking.

MartianBethany: Would someone PLEASE knock the brother unconscious? Pretty please?

MartianBethany: Okay, so when Dad fell asleep at the wheel, they hit this car with the woman and baby and everyone died. Now woman and baby are-

MartianBethany: -torturing them. Also, sadly reporting death of effeminate boyfriend. Alas, whats his name, we knew ye well.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Nooooo effeminate boyfriend was the best character!!!!

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie I know, right? Least douchey of them all.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany *sniff sniff*

MartianBethany: Oh good lord, the Dad just made the kid drag his sister’s boyfriend’s body off the road. What an ass. Hope Dad dies next.

MartianBethany: Man, no wonder the kid (Richard) is such an ass, his Dad is an asshole of the first order.

MartianBethany: Why was the sister’s boyfriend the only one of them with a cell phone? This film was made in 2003!  (Martian Note: Seriously. I got my first cell phone when I was 16, so mom could keep track of me.)

MartianBethany: Now Sister (who has been a bit, comatose) is singing Jingle Bells.

MartianBethany: Richard: Her boyfriend is dead and was horrifically mutilated. Our watches and clock stopped at the same time. THIS IS ALIENS.

MartianBethany: Well, it’s better than acting like nothing is wrong.

MartianBethany: Why is the girl torturing anybody but the guy who fell asleep? It’s not the fault of the effeminate kid in the back seat.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany But, but justice! IT MUST BE DONE!

MartianBethany: “I think we’d better get out of here.” YEAH I THINK YOU HAD. Oh, dad just took several big swigs of liquor and is now driving.

MartianBethany: Every time they turn on the radio they hear weird baby screaming.

MartianBethany: Sister decided that the blow out they had on a completely empty road was a good time to announce her pregnancy.

MartianBethany: Richard (brother): I smoke pot.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Suddenly this is turning into a Very Special Episode of #bmlt

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie This is very “After School Special”, yeah. It’s like they combined all of the after school tropes into one big movie.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Oh goody. I was hoping that heavy handed messages could be hammered into my brain tonight.

MartianBethany: And Richard (brother) has just been taken off in the same weird hearse thing that the effeminate boyfriend was.

MartianBethany: And they just found a pile of smoldering Richard body parts in the road.

MartianBethany: Mom’s on pills. Oh and earlier Richard was masturbating furiously to Playboy in the middle of the woods. (Martian Note: @FapCop retweeted this.)

MartianBethany: HOW MANY MORE TROPES CAN WE SQUEEZE IN??? Mom has lost her mind. She’s eating pie by the fistful. (Martian Note: retweeted by @Pie_Bot with the addition of :HOW MANY …)

MartianBethany: Hey two bots in as many minutes. Isn’t that fun?

MartianBethany: Mom has flipped her lid. Like, really. Just shot Dad with a shot gun that they’d loaded. Because that will help against ghosts.

MartianBethany: He just told a cheesy ghost story. You know, one of the hitchhiker ones.

MartianBethany: Dad is now driving down the road and CHUGGING WHISKEY.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany FATHER OF THE YEAR I TELLS YA!

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie HE’S STILL DOING IT.


MartianBethany: “I’m more than a little concerned about your mother, though.” She was eating PIE BY THE HANDFUL. That seems like an understatement.

MartianBethany: Mom is seeing the faces of the dead in the woods now. “Well, if the dead are alive, we should check on Richard!”

MartianBethany: Mom: I’m going to see my dead friend Janine! *jumps out of car going 60*

MartianBethany: Mom’s dead. For some reason she only started bleeding copiously after she died.  (Martian Note: not the way dead bodies work.)

MartianBethany: Dad just about shot his head off and this really REALLY melodramatic music started. Like CARTOON music.

MartianBethany: Good lord this is the most boring, melodramatic car ride. Sister just threw the bottle out of the window, but at least she’s driving.

MartianBethany: Now they’ve decided to walk through the woods, parallel to the road. THIS will end well.

MartianBethany: BTW, this movie had the same four sets. Inside the car, same tiny stretch of road, shack, and a bit of woods.

MartianBethany: They walked from the passenger side of the car over, and came back through the woods at the driver’s side.

MartianBethany: “I’m not getting back in that car!” “Me neither.” They’re back in the car, driving.

MartianBethany: And they passed the same cabin they passed as the first one. And, guess what, they’re going to explore it!

MartianBethany: I’m really just waiting for the big reveal that they’re dead and so is the lady with the baby. I quit caring.

MartianBethany: Jump scare imminent, those assholes. I can tell when one is about to happen.

MartianBethany: Now Dad has snapped. He has started BEATING his PREGNANT daughter. Fucking CLASSY.


cmdrsue: @MartianBethany beginning to think they could have come up with a better plot using refrigerator poetry magnets.

riathepinkie: @cmdrsue Bwhahaha it would have been a LOT more coherent!

MartianBethany: @cmdrsue I’m POSITIVE of it. I’m pretty sure I wrote better stories when I was 6.

MartianBethany: Big limo arrives, Sister freaks out. Creepy lady shows up, goes HE’S NOT HERE FOR YOU! Sister is the only survivor of the car crash.

cmdrsue: @MartianBethany no, seriously? Are you just making things up now?

MartianBethany: @cmdrsue Not at all. I called the plot to the ENTIRE movie 10 minutes in.

MartianBethany: Oh what a shock, I was right. Woman and baby in the other car, everyone died in the car accident but the one girl. #fuckingcalledit

MartianBethany: Also, this movie has some of the worst soundtrack music in existence.

riathepinkie: @martianbethany So then refrigerator magnets and a Cassio keyboard would have been better?

cmdrsue: @MartianBethany worse than Ladyhawke? #unfortunatemoviescore #greatfantasymovie

MartianBethany: @cmdrsue Ladyhawke’s score was dated because it was filmed in the 80’s. This movie was made 7 years ago. (Yes, much wore.)

MartianBethany: @cmdrsue WORSE. Much WORSE. Can’t frikken spell

cmdrsue: @MartianBethany so is the musical score credited to Ross Geller?

MartianBethany: “To everyone still with us at the end of these credits, thank you! God bless you. You sure do like Movies!” #notmakingthisup

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Wat.

MartianBethany: I wasn’t kidding. I REALLY wasn’t kidding. #bmlt

I do now know who is responsible for the ‘twist’ ending fetish in American cinema, but whoever it is should be hung upsidedown until he passes out from the blood rushing to his head.  (I know it’s trendy to blame M. Night Shyamalan but if the Trope fits…)

What is wrong with telling a story, a simple story, with a beginning, middle, and end?  Why do we have to do this big twist thing at the end of every movie.  There doesn’t need to be a twist, a final sting, a parting shot.  The end of the story should stand on it’s own, without needing any extra oomph.  Can a twist ending- specifically the THEY WERE DEAD THE WHOLE TIME type- be done correctly?  Certainly. The 6th Sense was a wonderful movie that threw you for a big loop.  And when you watch the movie again, you see all the evidence for it.

However, it is getting fucking old.

In the future, I see me bitching about this more.  So I’m going to stop this for now.