The Haunting of Winchester House is about a family that goes to the famous Winchester Mystery House to caretake for a few months.

They have a near car accident on the way up to the house and then they have a bunch of weird shit happening and their little girl (by little I mean the actress is 14 but she’s portrayed much younger) goes missing and they have to find this ghost girl and in the end they were DEAD THE WHOLE TIME.

I am honestly so sick of this it’s becoming hilarious.

Tweets.

MartianBethany: Okay in about fifteen minutes we’re going to be watching Haunting of Winchester House for #bmlt
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1521787/

MartianBethany: Netflix Blurb: When a young family moves into the famously haunted Winchester House, a wildly sprawling mansion built by an-

MartianBethany: eccentric heiress, they begin to wonder if the tales of spooks and ghosts roaming the halls may actually be true.

MartianBethany: The Winchester Mansion is a real place with an interesting story: http://www.winchestermysteryhouse.com/

MartianBethany: Oh, the cover says “The terrifying true story” which means anything but every time I’ve ever seen it.   (Martian Note: True story my ass.)

MartianBethany: The pan over and zoom shot were so clearly computer generated it hurts. Use a model or something, that wasn’t good.

MartianBethany: There is a mysterious ghostly little girl, and a grouchy woman with a strong profile who is trying to exorcise ghosts?

MartianBethany: Grouchy lady got sucked out of the window and into the tree, so now we have our new family moving in.

MartianBethany: New family is packing and moving, and there’s a baby seat set out for goodwill with maudlin music playing. So, miscarriage or what?  (Martian Note: Never explained, from what I recall.)

MartianBethany: The camera… did something weird just then. I think they tried to do it in slow motion, but it just looked… wonky.

MartianBethany: You know, Stephen King admitted when he did Rose Red that he based it on the Winchester house. However, having a new house actually-

MartianBethany: is better, because then nobody has anything to compare what you’ve got to. The Winchester mansion is large, busy, beautiful.

MartianBethany: and other than apparent size of the main house, has nothing in common with the ACTUAL Winchester Mystery House.

MartianBethany: Also the really REALLY REALLY loud sound cues every time something is supposed to be creepy? YOU’RE OVERDOING IT.

MartianBethany: All of these actors seem like the poor man’s versions of certain poor man’s versions of actors. Like, H-list.

MartianBethany: God the music and sound cues are REALLY loud compared to the dialog. The camera work is also pretty shoddy.

MartianBethany: Also, this guy is overcooking the steaks.

MartianBethany: Okay it sounds like there’s a dying humpback whale in the background. That’s how bad the sound cues are.

MartianBethany: I’m thinking of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

MartianBethany: “The closed mind is a trap.” You were on his property, uninvited, seconds before his daughter got locked in a cellar

MartianBethany: OF COURSE they think you did it.  (Martian Note: I saw it happen and *I* think you did it, bucko.)

MartianBethany: They have a paranormal investigator who is snooping around, being weird, and pronouncing things strangely.

MartianBethany: Also, they have this 14 year old girl acting much MUCH younger than she is. I hate when they do that. Adjust the role to the part.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany UGH it’s things like that that make people disbelieve that I am as old as I am.

MartianBethany: Oh we finally did get to the Winchester House infobarf. Fortunately it was brief, as it’s relatively common knowledge.

MartianBethany: No, really, the ‘supernatural’ noises are really REALLY overdoing it. TONE BACK.

MartianBethany: Whoever mixed the sound on this needs to be beaten with a wiffle bat.

MartianBethany: The violin stings are REALLY unnecessary. There is nothing subtle about this movie. Subtle like a brick to the face.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany THE MOST AWESOME WAY TO BE SUBTLE!!!

MartianBethany: His nose is bleeding. As he goes to wipe it off, there’s clearly blood on his hand right where he wiped it on the previous take.

MartianBethany: Would a handy wipe have killed you?

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany No clearly that was meant to be symbolic. HE’S BLEEDING FROM NOWHERE *spooky noise*

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie LOL YES surely a movie like this would keep GREAT track of continuity

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany It’s all part of the plot! This movie is brilliant I tells ya!

MartianBethany: Oh my god. This guy just shouted NOOOO off camera in the cheesiest way possible. It didn’t even sound like him.

MartianBethany: Here’s the thing about haunted house stories: creepy creaking is a LOT scarier than ghosts walking around. Once you get to the ‘I can-

MartianBethany: -see the ghosts’ point, you’re in a different place under different rules. It’s not ‘could be me’ anymore, and unless it’s an-

MartianBethany: interesting place to be somehow (Harry Potter, or the Laurell K. Hamilton universe where everybody is fantastically hot), it sucks.

MartianBethany: Hey, lady, what exactly do you think a fireplace poker is going to do to a ghostly spirit? I’m just asking.

MartianBethany: Oh you’re going to cause your husband an arm injury that will surely need stitches! Well now we know why you needed the damn poker.

MartianBethany: Wow this is terrible. The ADR is awful, as if the rest of the film wasn’t already.

MartianBethany: “This is classic poltergeist activity.” It is NOT you douchenozzle. This is Twilight Zone bullshit.

MartianBethany: And now we’re into Infobarf territory. I don’t need a primer on ghosts, and I don’t think anybody else does either.

MartianBethany: Ha this guy just turned out a pendulum and I thought it was a tampon- it was the right size and general shape in the dark.

MartianBethany: “The clue is not the trees, it’s the forest.” Oh shut the fuck up. This is why I don’t like paranormal investigators normally.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Because they just spout random crap that doesn’t mean anything?

MartianBethany: They go with the weird and convoluted explanations instead of just giving a god damn answer.

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie Exactly. They’re useless except as INFOBARF machines, and it’s almost always badly handled.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany *rolls eyes*

Adamthemann: I am late but just from a quick recap of the tweets, I can see this movie is fantastic

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany @riathepinkie to be fair it is a hard role to play, cause you have to be the informed one.

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann @riathepinkie I don’t need to know about GHOSTS, they’re following the established trope.

MartianBethany: Sarah Winchester is looking for her daughter, who is the ghost girl, and won’t give them their daughter back until she gets hers.

MartianBethany: “It’s okay, baby.” How many times have you said that and been UTTERLY FUCKING WRONG you shitheel?

Adamthemann: Winchester…….when did this movie become Supernatural WHERE IS SAM AND DEAN

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann This movie isn’t that cool, dude

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany but but her last name is Winchester

MartianBethany: The acting is so hammy that they ADR’d over a lot of it. Believe it or not, that made it worse.

MartianBethany: Aren’t you two supposed to be actors? Can’t you fake cough better than that? Because I think the dog could play this role better.  (Martian Note: He is, by far, more adorable.)

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany Kristen Stewart can play the role better, and she gets beat in acting by a chair 🙂 #reasonswhytwilightsucksballs

MartianBethany: Oh wow, the way the ghost girl died is entirely unbelievable. It’s pretty clear she could have knocked that awkward stack over.  (Martian Note: she got trapped in a chest because a servant set a big stack of stuff, but it was all vertical- by the simple pounding going on the whole thing very nearly went over.)

MartianBethany: This is ridiculous. Really. Really.

MartianBethany: They had a near car accident on the way in at the beginning of the movie, and I almost (almost) said that they died just then.

MartianBethany: How- HOW do I keep SEEING this in movies, when did this become a trope? Really? Is this an M. Night trope? Can I blame him?

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany I’m inclined to say yes. Blame M. Night for shitty plot-twists!

MartianBethany: Because guess what, they DIED in the car accident in the BEGINNING of the movie, and are ghosts. Have been the whole movie.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany Blame M Knight for EVERYTHING IT IS AWESOME…. M. Knight just takes it all in stride, now that his career is shit

MartianBethany: That is just ridiculous. They did the thing at the end where all the things that happened because they were ghosts showed.

MartianBethany: Guess what? “and they were DEAD the WHOLE TIME” is getting really, really, really old.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Yeah it really is.

Adamthemann: @riathepinkie @MartianBethany oh just wait for the extra scene, there was a necromancer pulling the strings the whole time LOL

riathepinkie: @Adamthemann No, but, see that would be a little bit awesome and unexpected.

Adamthemann: @riathepinkie yeah you’re right, the writers aren’t that clever

Adamthemann: First Rule of Ghost Club, You do not talk about Ghost Club. Second Rule of Ghost Club. YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT GHOST CLUB!

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany also when all else fails “BLAME CANADA, BLAME CANADA!”

MartianBethany: Best thing about this film? THE END CREDITS. BECAUSE IT’S OVER. All though the music is still crappy.

THIS IS VERY NEARLY THE SAINT ELSEWHERE ENDING WHY ON EARTH DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS AUGGGHGGHHHHHHHHHH

*ahem*

So how many more times are we going to pull this kind of an ending before we get sick of it?  I think this has been mostly over the last ten years or so, but god damn is the AND THEY WERE DEAD THE WHOLE TIME story getting old.  You know what’s creepy?  The Little Fears youtube channel. There’s also a British gal who has a youtube channel where she records her ‘nightly visitors’- that’s creepy.  There are so many ways to do creepy on a low budget that this just comes off as lazy.

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