Falling Out

This blog post is written by my invisible friend, Petra.  Petra will be my invisible guest blogger from time to time from here on out.  All of the names (save mine) were changed to save the both of us from harassment, and protect the people harmed by unscrupulous individuals. With no further ado….

Falling out, by Petra

I walked away from someone who thought we were still friends the other day.

It’s a funny phrase, “falling out”- it implies that whatever happened, it happened suddenly.  The truth is, so little happens all at once.

When I was 21, this former friend took advantage of me.  I’d had a bottle of wine to myself, I thought I was among friends, I was in pain and vulnerable.  I guess he didn’t care.  I guess he wanted me- or something, anyway.  I don’t remember much about the night once I finished the bottle, though I’m very clear on how bad my hangover was.

Three days ago, I finally walked away from “Dale” despite apologizing for his actions for three years.  I can’t say it was any particular event that woke me up.  There was an avalanche of evidence that things were not the way I’d convinced myself they were.  Livejournal, DeviantArt, MMO games, everywhere he went he left hints behind, and every single one of them said “WAKE THE FUCK UP”.

I kept it a secret because he said he didn’t want his girlfriend (she’s now his ex-girlfriend) to know “about us”.  I felt sick.  I knew there wasn’t any “us”, but still I didn’t say anything.

I kept it all a secret for so long.  Eventually it all began to boil over.

I told one person.  Then I told another.  And another.  And every time I had the courage to say something, say anything, it was easier.  And now here we are.  I’m not going to give you the sordid details- you really shouldn’t care.  Dale exhibited every classic sign of someone Up To No Fucking Good, and despite years of crap, years in which you’d think I would learn the signs, I still didn’t see it coming.

Dale is self-absorbed.  Every time he had a birthday coming up, he’d say that nobody had to get him anything… and then immediately link his Amazon Wishlist.

Dale loves attention.  He most recently co-opted his sister’s pain as his own (she miscarried) in order to get attention.

Dale likes to claim that he was abused, and adores posting images for victim’s rights days.  I’m not even sure when they are.  We need to be aware EVERY day, not just once a year.

Dale is a liar.  Every time that he stopped receiving attention for his so-called abuse (which he was unusually forthcoming about), he re-imagined the past with even more heinous events.

Dale was in a relationship for fourteen years with “Susan”.  Towards the end of this relationship his biggest complaint about her was that, from the time she was college-aged to the time she was in her 30’s, she had gained a whopping… wait for it… thirty whole pounds.  And she was thus far too fat to be a person anymore.  His own weight gain from college-age to his 30’s was, of course, only natural.  And hey, who ever heard of loving the person you’re with for who they are, and god to HELL with loving their body, am I right?

Less than six weeks after he declared their relationship over, before she had even moved out, Dale was “in a relationship” again with an not-medicated-but-officially-diagnosed-bipolar girl of 19.  Just so you know, Susan wasn’t uncomfortable with Dale screwing a mentally-ill teenager in what was still HER home, she was just being a Bitch.  Ask Dale!

In almost four years of so-called friendship I have never seen Dale attempt to date a woman over 22, despite a professed interest in marriage and children.

Once Susan moved out, Dale complained about every single possession Susan took with her, including things that had been gifts to them from Susan’s mother.

Dale once proposed marriage to me… over the internet.  When I expressed to him that I really wasn’t comfortable with this, and didn’t think that we would work out as a couple, Dale used my chronic heart condition as ammunition.  If I married him, I would have health insurance!  As long as I didn’t do things like get older, show signs of a personality, or have cake ever again, of course.

In almost four years of so-called friendship, Dale has never called me just to say ‘hi’.  He has never contacted me when he didn’t want something.  Dale always has an agenda.

In four years of so-called friendship, I have never once mentioned having a bad day without Dale feeling the need to one-up me.  Dale’s problems are the worst problems in the entire universe, and if you ever forget this for even one second just because you lost your job or your home or you’re just feeling sad today, you are a Bad Friend.  If you call Dale just to talk, and it’s not about him, Dale is not interested.  You are wasting Dale’s time, with these human needs you seem to have!

I cannot tell you how wonderful I feel these last three days.  Fighting yourself is brutal, it’s awful, and you just can’t win.  When I swore off Dale, I swore off hating myself, I swore off guilt, and I swore off denying that my emotions and thoughts are valid.  I feel free. And so, dear reader, I’m finally going to ask something of you.

Everyone I know has that one friend they wish they could bring themselves to just never speak to again.  Do it, a thousand times do it, never look back… and come on over.  We’ll have some cake.