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Psycho Ward is one of the dumber slasher fics I’ve ever laid eyes on.  In the first place, they had a back story that they never followed through on.  There was a lot of information about the empty prison- and one area in particular- that could have been very interesting if it weren’t completely ignored because, I dunno, the plot jar was empty and the neighbors didn’t have any they could borrow.

None of the characters were likeable, and we didn’t really know enough about the villain to actually root for him.  Also, almost all of the deaths occurred off screen, which I thought was a big no-no for horror movies. I realize it makes the special effect thing easier, but it takes away any impact from the deaths.

It was also done in the least creepy abandoned prison on the planet, somehow. Either that or the movie sucked so hard it made a creepy place less creepy.

Also, apparently I forgot to copy when I announced the movie and linked to it’s IMDB, but we were watching Psycho Ward.

Yet another dvd cover that has nothing to do with the movie.

MartianBethany: Okay, I have selected another movie that hopefully will be less boring and confusing. Here in about 15 minutes we’ll do it, but first

MartianBethany: I need a friggin daquiri

Adamthemann: Bad movies cause people to drink 😛

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann This is a fact.

MartianBethany: Blurb: A group of urban researchers set about exploring an abandoned psychiatric hospital with a terrible history, but are they-

MartianBethany: prepared for the horrifying, possibly supernatural secrets hidden within its crumbling walls?

MartianBethany: This is apparently a PSYCHO WARD production. So, one off?

MartianBethany: This guy may as well have DOUCHEBAG written on his forehead. Also FRATBOY.

Adamthemann: Steve Stiffler what

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Stiffler is mature and interesting compared to this guy.

MartianBethany: The film work on this is just bad. It has a horrible jumpy pace that screams ‘we fucked up and pretended we meant to’

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany O_O is…..that even….possible

MartianBethany: Oh good lord his name is KEN. REALLY. If her name is Barbie I just quit.  (Martian note: I totally forgot to mention that he dies right away.  Forgive me, I am out of practice.  This was the ‘opening scene death’ that happens in every slasher movie ever.)

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany The horror of this movie… It was the imagination of a little girl playing with her barbie and ken doll

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann That’d be much cooler than this.

MartianBethany: So, teacher, 2 gals, 2 boys. A mysterious ‘contact’. This is a project for school, college maybe?

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany this will end up in an orgy/bloodbath with a dude in a mask killing hookers O_o

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah, standard slasher film.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany gotcha, so the virgin will live

MartianBethany: What her knife was just… laying out of it’s sheath in the trunk. Oh, oh, so we know she has a knife. Gotcha.  (Martian note: I realize that this is using Chekhov’s gun approach, but this is just so that later on she can cut her own bonds with her knife.  She doesn’t kill anybody with it.  And I’m willing to take for granted that nearly anybody is carrying  a pocket knife, so this was pretty unnecessary.)

MartianBethany: Wow, thanks professor for introducing everyone and letting us know about their one defining feature!

MartianBethany: We have the jerk, the bitch, the nice dude, the nice chick, Professor (exposition ahoy) and some chick we haven’t really seen yet.

Adamthemann: The mystery chick is the killer, and she is jealous because the Jerk is a two timing ass

MartianBethany: Hrm so here’s where they wander around in the dark and the jerk startles them. Glad that part has come up.

MartianBethany: Hahaha and the jerk got kicked in the face. He should probably have a bloody nose.

MartianBethany: Awwww there goes the nice guy. I guess I can’t blame the movie for taking it slow.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Movie: plot? Likable characters? SCREW THAT LETS JUST START KILLING PEOPLE!!

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie Apparently so! I thought we’d get more back story, but nope.

MartianBethany: So the 2 guys are locked in isolation, nice guy is dead, and nice girl may be the daughter of the serial killer!

MartianBethany: Smart Girl and Mystery girl are wandering around. Smart Girl wants to leave, now. I’m with her. Mystery girl wants to find the boys.

MartianBethany: Screw that, three adult males and one gal have gone missing. If they can’t make it out, call cops, wait.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany psh that’s for COMPETENT story tellers. Or pansies, can’t tell which.

MartianBethany: Oh hey, everyone was smart and got out the phones. Ah, no signal

MartianBethany: I think the professor and mystery girl have some kind of relationship, don’t know what. He’s actually a doctor, but I can’t call him

MartianBethany: the doctor because he’s nowhere near as cool as the Doctor.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany no one is as cool as the Doctor. It’s impossible to be that cool.

MartianBethany: Oh hey, two more strangers we don’t care about who are about to die! We’re about to have a mirror sting, I’ll bet.  (Martian note: Mirror sting- when someone is looking into a mirror, looks away, and then looks back and suddenly bad guy is there.  Sometimes the sting occurs when the person is looking away- something appears and is gone, but generally it’s the first.)

MartianBethany: I guess that was a break from the riveting *cough* story inside the prison? Which, btw, no psych ward in sight.

MartianBethany: Opening the walk in freezer door to find a corpse or the murderer. Calling it

Adamthemann: yeah till she freezes to death

Adamthemann: No psych ward YET. Queue Straight jackets and play HERE COME THE DRUMS

MartianBethany: Oh, nope, living girl. Well, that’s all right then.

MartianBethany: Wow so they’re dragging around the girl who’s freaking out tied and gagged because… she wants to leave, like them?

MartianBethany: She’s covered in blood, her hands her tied, she’s gagged, and they’re all okay with this apparently.

MartianBethany: All right, so, I’m hoping Nice Girl (the one they tied up and gagged) makes it. Everyone else can die.

MartianBethany: God dammit she just died. That’s it, nuke the site from orbit.

Adamthemann: Nice Girl is gonna live cause she is the virgin …….I stand corrected

MartianBethany: Ahh mystery girl is the professor’s younger sister. Oh good lord the Jerk’s name is ACTUALLY STUDDS

MartianBethany: Why? why would you do that?

Adamthemann: I thought his name was Ken. Or Is it Ken Studds

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah that was the idiot who died in the beginning, before the movie ACTUALLY started.

MartianBethany: I think Jerk is about to die! Oh I hope I hope!

MartianBethany: It’s amazing how neat, tidy, and clean this place is for a prison that’s been empty for years.

MartianBethany: You know, this movie is taking such pains to make sure you know everyone dies, I wonder if in the end that somehow they aren’t dead.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany it was all a drug induced hallucination

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Too much LSD will do that to anybody, man.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany it would be like O_O wow

MartianBethany: “Some of these bricks are newer.” Clearly, obviously, a doorway has been bricked up. Any idiot could tell.

MartianBethany: Smooth white wall like the rest of the prison. Doorway sized hole, bricked over. We don’t need CSI.

MartianBethany: The professor is now Captain Obvious

MartianBethany: You know, Captain Obvious, you’re leaving your baby sister alone for an awful long time when you know someone’s been killing your pals

Adamthemann: Little Sister is the master mind. She is controlling her killer brother via Barbie Dolls

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann She’s not that young… but I still would accept that as an answer.

MartianBethany: “Everyone’s dead.” “No, Sara’s alive, and we can save her.” CUT TO: Sara about to be sledgehammered to death.

MartianBethany: The Gallagher Method isn’t a very dignified way to get offed.

MartianBethany: “Are you okay?” Her first gruesome murder scene, give her a second, dude.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany I want to do it again *she looks at her older brother*

MartianBethany: Oh good lord Captain Obvious is gonna save the day through Psychology. Somebody save me.

MartianBethany: You shoulda axed him in the spine when you had the chance, nothing takes a guy down like fucking up his central nervous system.

Adamthemann: Captain Obvious needs to save the day via Sonic Screwdriver *nods*

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nay, that’s for much better entertainment than this.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany true true.

MartianBethany: And everyone dies.

MartianBethany: Somehow not as satisfying as I thought it would be. Weird how that works.

Adamthemann: So the killer killed everyone even himself……… what… a…. twist?????

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah, but he took some good stabs to the gut, he’ll likely die at some point.

MartianBethany: I don’t know what the point of this movie was. Nobody lived, there was no gore, and it wasn’t spooky. And abandoned buildings are-

MartianBethany: -spooky all on their own. It’s like it’s the anti horror movie.

I generally like bad movies.  I find them entertaining.  Bad acting, bad lighting, bad sound, bad film- that all leads to more amusement on my end.  Yeah, I tear them apart, but mostly the same way I tease my friends: with no little love and affection.

This movie downright pissed me off.  The plot points?  Bullshit.  The resolution?  Double-bullshit.  The name of the fucking movie?  Almost NOTHING to do with the god damned plot.

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As a side note: I took to long to doing the screenshots of this and apparently Netflix took this off the Instant Watch list. (Really? A gem like this? What a loss! /sarcasm)

This movie was released in 2001 according to IMDB.  The film quality made it look like it had been filmed in the 70’s.  It might be on purpose, like it’s imitating some old b-movie, but that’s just not very clear.  There’s also some weird name bs- according to Netflix it’s called Keeper of Souls, but according to IMDB it’s called The Waking. Don’t worry, neither title makes sense.

This was a film with a lead actor (Tim Card) who was also the writer and director.

He played the lead, and the woman who played his wife was uncomfortably younger than him.  I know that having a woman who’s much younger than the lead actor play the wife/girlfriend/romantic interest is pretty much a Hollywood standard, but this is definitely in the awkward zone.

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Non-movie related note: the theme barfed on us last night, so we have a place holder up while I go through and try to figure out what we’re going to do.  If the page changes, most likely it’s because me or my friend are trying to fix it, so just bear with us.  Thanks.

So, Paranormal Entity has been suggested to me by Netflix a whole bunch, but it wasn’t until I read the blurb on it that I decided to watch it.  You see, that was when I realized it was a knock off of Paranormal Activity.  You would think the name would give that up, but I had assumed that there was NO way they could POSSIBLY have cut it that close.

I was so very, very wrong.

This movie was about a small family, a guy, his sister (Samantha) and his Mom who have been having ‘weird’ things happen.  They set up cameras all over the house in order to catch the paranormal activity (see what I did there) that was going on at night.

Things start happening very quickly- crosses get thrown, ashes are smeared everywhere, people .  In the end the demon (which the paranormal expert declares is an incubus) wins.

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So In Search of Lovecraft is pretty much what it says on the tin.  TV reporter goes in search of Lovecraftian monsters, finds them, goes crazy.  Everyone else dies. What a shock, eh?

At any rate, this movie was boring (which is a shame, because I like Lovecraft). Also, this movie had nothing to do with the title cover:

This film is baaaaaaaad.  The acting is terrible.  There are a couple of places where they are reading lines and they stop and wait for the other person, who fumbles for their line.  My high school’s production of Romeo and Juliet was much better acted than this movie, and I say this without any irony at all.

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The Haunting of Winchester House is about a family that goes to the famous Winchester Mystery House to caretake for a few months.

They have a near car accident on the way up to the house and then they have a bunch of weird shit happening and their little girl (by little I mean the actress is 14 but she’s portrayed much younger) goes missing and they have to find this ghost girl and in the end they were DEAD THE WHOLE TIME.

I am honestly so sick of this it’s becoming hilarious.

Tweets.

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Dead End was about a family road trip with the most annoying family possible. There was a father, mother, they had two kids (who I generally refer to as sister and brother for ease) and sister had a slightly effeminate boyfriend.  This family trip goes bad when Dad tries to take a shortcut to his mother-in-law’s home and gets lost after a near accident.

As they realize they are lost they see a mysterious woman in white carrying a child in a bundled blanket.

One by one each member of the family dies, leaving Sister alone with the mysterious woman in white.

In the end, it turns out that their near car accident was an ACTUAL car accident, and the mysterious woman and her infant daughter had been in the other car.  The only survivor was the sister, who was pregnant.

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Night of the Demons was a stupid B-movie remake of a stupid 80’s b-movie.  It was supposed to kinda dumb and light-hearted, and wins points in my book because it did not take itself too seriously

Here’s what happened:

A Halloween party got shut down by the police, and seven people got locked inside the property (somehow).  They explored until they found a hidden room with skeletons that might belong to people who had gone missing in the historic New Orleans landmark almost a century previously.  One of the party-goers is ‘bit’ by the skeleton, which passes on a demonic possession.

From there on out the movie descends into one of debauchery and gore, which is fitting for it’s type I suppose.  The demonic possession is passed by fluid contact- kissing, biting- and as far as I can tell this is one of the few movies to use possession as a sort of demonic STD.

The demons need to possess seven people in order to break free of the house and conquer Earth (or something, I don’t remember) and so as it comes down to the last one she escapes as the morning light destroys the demons until such time as they can make another attempt, or the girl comes back and fills the one room with solid cement.  You know, whichever comes first.

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Credo/The Devil’s Curse is a bad movie and should feel bad.

Apparently, btw, The Devil’s Curse was the name given the American release of this British film.

To sum up:

Alice is the main character, a women whose father committed suicide at some point in the past.  She is studying hard for finals or something.  A levels, maybe?  I don’t know.  Doesn’t matter, she’s working her brain off trying to pass the upcoming test.

She lives with four other people in a shared building, or something?  I don’t get the roommate situation- I suppose it doesn’t matter, just that she lives with four other people.  One of them, this idiotic American, gets them evicted from their place with no where to go.

Instead of renting a hotel room for the weekend until they can figure it out, or crashing with other buddies, the American helps them break into a former dormitory for theological students.  (Maybe for some kind of Seminary School? I haven’t the foggiest.)

They hear a ghost story where supposedly when the dorms were in use five students decided to summon a demon/satan/whatever as a test of faith and all but one of the students had ‘apparently’ committed suicide by the next morning.

The one remaining of the five still lives in the dorms as a homeless bum.

One by one each of the five people aside from Alice die.  This includes the homeless seminary student, whom Alice kills in the end because she believes he’s causing all the problems.

Then, in the end, you discover that the bulk of the movie didn’t happen.  Augh.

Okay, on to the tweets.

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I have to say that I am sometimes surprised by the movies I pick out for Live Tweet nights.  Sometimes it’s because they are not as interesting as I’d hoped (boring as hell, in other words) and sometimes it’s because the movie is good.

This one is.  Oh, yes, I pick it apart.  Even in picking it apart I found myself getting really sucked into it.

So, movie is about a young college student named Samantha.  She is trying to move out of the dorms because her roommate is awful.  She finds the perfect place, but she doesn’t have enough money for it, so she starts to scramble for money.

She finds a flier for babysitting, and after a bit of phone tag and a missed meeting, she lands the job and is promised 100 dollars for what amounts to less than four hours worth of work.  And mind you this movie while filmed a few years ago it was set in the 80s.

When she arrives (with her best friend having driven her there, to make sure things weren’t hinky) she discovers why he was so desperate to find someone: he and his wife didn’t have any young children, and he wants her to stay in the house with his elderly mother-in-law.  She freaks out, so he offers her 400 bucks for the night- 200 up front and the rest later (with an additional 20 so she can order pizza).

As the night goes on, things get creepier, and she passes out and wakes up in the middle of a satanic ritual.

So yeah, as babysitting gigs go, not the best.

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BethanytheMartian

Bethany says:

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