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Psycho Ward is one of the dumber slasher fics I’ve ever laid eyes on.  In the first place, they had a back story that they never followed through on.  There was a lot of information about the empty prison- and one area in particular- that could have been very interesting if it weren’t completely ignored because, I dunno, the plot jar was empty and the neighbors didn’t have any they could borrow.

None of the characters were likeable, and we didn’t really know enough about the villain to actually root for him.  Also, almost all of the deaths occurred off screen, which I thought was a big no-no for horror movies. I realize it makes the special effect thing easier, but it takes away any impact from the deaths.

It was also done in the least creepy abandoned prison on the planet, somehow. Either that or the movie sucked so hard it made a creepy place less creepy.

Also, apparently I forgot to copy when I announced the movie and linked to it’s IMDB, but we were watching Psycho Ward.

Yet another dvd cover that has nothing to do with the movie.

MartianBethany: Okay, I have selected another movie that hopefully will be less boring and confusing. Here in about 15 minutes we’ll do it, but first

MartianBethany: I need a friggin daquiri

Adamthemann: Bad movies cause people to drink 😛

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann This is a fact.

MartianBethany: Blurb: A group of urban researchers set about exploring an abandoned psychiatric hospital with a terrible history, but are they-

MartianBethany: prepared for the horrifying, possibly supernatural secrets hidden within its crumbling walls?

MartianBethany: This is apparently a PSYCHO WARD production. So, one off?

MartianBethany: This guy may as well have DOUCHEBAG written on his forehead. Also FRATBOY.

Adamthemann: Steve Stiffler what

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Stiffler is mature and interesting compared to this guy.

MartianBethany: The film work on this is just bad. It has a horrible jumpy pace that screams ‘we fucked up and pretended we meant to’

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany O_O is…..that even….possible

MartianBethany: Oh good lord his name is KEN. REALLY. If her name is Barbie I just quit.  (Martian note: I totally forgot to mention that he dies right away.  Forgive me, I am out of practice.  This was the ‘opening scene death’ that happens in every slasher movie ever.)

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany The horror of this movie… It was the imagination of a little girl playing with her barbie and ken doll

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann That’d be much cooler than this.

MartianBethany: So, teacher, 2 gals, 2 boys. A mysterious ‘contact’. This is a project for school, college maybe?

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany this will end up in an orgy/bloodbath with a dude in a mask killing hookers O_o

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah, standard slasher film.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany gotcha, so the virgin will live

MartianBethany: What her knife was just… laying out of it’s sheath in the trunk. Oh, oh, so we know she has a knife. Gotcha.  (Martian note: I realize that this is using Chekhov’s gun approach, but this is just so that later on she can cut her own bonds with her knife.  She doesn’t kill anybody with it.  And I’m willing to take for granted that nearly anybody is carrying  a pocket knife, so this was pretty unnecessary.)

MartianBethany: Wow, thanks professor for introducing everyone and letting us know about their one defining feature!

MartianBethany: We have the jerk, the bitch, the nice dude, the nice chick, Professor (exposition ahoy) and some chick we haven’t really seen yet.

Adamthemann: The mystery chick is the killer, and she is jealous because the Jerk is a two timing ass

MartianBethany: Hrm so here’s where they wander around in the dark and the jerk startles them. Glad that part has come up.

MartianBethany: Hahaha and the jerk got kicked in the face. He should probably have a bloody nose.

MartianBethany: Awwww there goes the nice guy. I guess I can’t blame the movie for taking it slow.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany Movie: plot? Likable characters? SCREW THAT LETS JUST START KILLING PEOPLE!!

MartianBethany: @riathepinkie Apparently so! I thought we’d get more back story, but nope.

MartianBethany: So the 2 guys are locked in isolation, nice guy is dead, and nice girl may be the daughter of the serial killer!

MartianBethany: Smart Girl and Mystery girl are wandering around. Smart Girl wants to leave, now. I’m with her. Mystery girl wants to find the boys.

MartianBethany: Screw that, three adult males and one gal have gone missing. If they can’t make it out, call cops, wait.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany psh that’s for COMPETENT story tellers. Or pansies, can’t tell which.

MartianBethany: Oh hey, everyone was smart and got out the phones. Ah, no signal

MartianBethany: I think the professor and mystery girl have some kind of relationship, don’t know what. He’s actually a doctor, but I can’t call him

MartianBethany: the doctor because he’s nowhere near as cool as the Doctor.

riathepinkie: @MartianBethany no one is as cool as the Doctor. It’s impossible to be that cool.

MartianBethany: Oh hey, two more strangers we don’t care about who are about to die! We’re about to have a mirror sting, I’ll bet.  (Martian note: Mirror sting- when someone is looking into a mirror, looks away, and then looks back and suddenly bad guy is there.  Sometimes the sting occurs when the person is looking away- something appears and is gone, but generally it’s the first.)

MartianBethany: I guess that was a break from the riveting *cough* story inside the prison? Which, btw, no psych ward in sight.

MartianBethany: Opening the walk in freezer door to find a corpse or the murderer. Calling it

Adamthemann: yeah till she freezes to death

Adamthemann: No psych ward YET. Queue Straight jackets and play HERE COME THE DRUMS

MartianBethany: Oh, nope, living girl. Well, that’s all right then.

MartianBethany: Wow so they’re dragging around the girl who’s freaking out tied and gagged because… she wants to leave, like them?

MartianBethany: She’s covered in blood, her hands her tied, she’s gagged, and they’re all okay with this apparently.

MartianBethany: All right, so, I’m hoping Nice Girl (the one they tied up and gagged) makes it. Everyone else can die.

MartianBethany: God dammit she just died. That’s it, nuke the site from orbit.

Adamthemann: Nice Girl is gonna live cause she is the virgin …….I stand corrected

MartianBethany: Ahh mystery girl is the professor’s younger sister. Oh good lord the Jerk’s name is ACTUALLY STUDDS

MartianBethany: Why? why would you do that?

Adamthemann: I thought his name was Ken. Or Is it Ken Studds

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah that was the idiot who died in the beginning, before the movie ACTUALLY started.

MartianBethany: I think Jerk is about to die! Oh I hope I hope!

MartianBethany: It’s amazing how neat, tidy, and clean this place is for a prison that’s been empty for years.

MartianBethany: You know, this movie is taking such pains to make sure you know everyone dies, I wonder if in the end that somehow they aren’t dead.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany it was all a drug induced hallucination

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Too much LSD will do that to anybody, man.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany it would be like O_O wow

MartianBethany: “Some of these bricks are newer.” Clearly, obviously, a doorway has been bricked up. Any idiot could tell.

MartianBethany: Smooth white wall like the rest of the prison. Doorway sized hole, bricked over. We don’t need CSI.

MartianBethany: The professor is now Captain Obvious

MartianBethany: You know, Captain Obvious, you’re leaving your baby sister alone for an awful long time when you know someone’s been killing your pals

Adamthemann: Little Sister is the master mind. She is controlling her killer brother via Barbie Dolls

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann She’s not that young… but I still would accept that as an answer.

MartianBethany: “Everyone’s dead.” “No, Sara’s alive, and we can save her.” CUT TO: Sara about to be sledgehammered to death.

MartianBethany: The Gallagher Method isn’t a very dignified way to get offed.

MartianBethany: “Are you okay?” Her first gruesome murder scene, give her a second, dude.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany I want to do it again *she looks at her older brother*

MartianBethany: Oh good lord Captain Obvious is gonna save the day through Psychology. Somebody save me.

MartianBethany: You shoulda axed him in the spine when you had the chance, nothing takes a guy down like fucking up his central nervous system.

Adamthemann: Captain Obvious needs to save the day via Sonic Screwdriver *nods*

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nay, that’s for much better entertainment than this.

Adamthemann: @MartianBethany true true.

MartianBethany: And everyone dies.

MartianBethany: Somehow not as satisfying as I thought it would be. Weird how that works.

Adamthemann: So the killer killed everyone even himself……… what… a…. twist?????

MartianBethany: @Adamthemann Nah, but he took some good stabs to the gut, he’ll likely die at some point.

MartianBethany: I don’t know what the point of this movie was. Nobody lived, there was no gore, and it wasn’t spooky. And abandoned buildings are-

MartianBethany: -spooky all on their own. It’s like it’s the anti horror movie.

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BethanytheMartian

Bethany says:

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